ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
