...so i touched it.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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