just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
