Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
