is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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