Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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