My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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