She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
