Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
