Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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