I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I think my moral compass just broke
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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