so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
