Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
