If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
