Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
