Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
