If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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