dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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