I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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