how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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