I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
