Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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