Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
