He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
