i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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