honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
