I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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