i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
