There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
