man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
