I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
