You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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