I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
