what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
