that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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