bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
