ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Less talking, more tequila
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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