couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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