so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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