the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
