shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
