remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
