i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
