so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
