I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
