Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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