remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
