are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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