guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
