Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
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