You made me cry and you don't even care
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
