I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
