Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
